personal anniversary

As of today, I have been either gestating or lactating for 6 years straight. Sure, plenty of women have done it for longer, especially in generations previous to mine. But when I was having miscarriage after miscarriage, I couldn’t even imagine an anniversary like this. When I was about to give birth for the first time, I would never have dreamed that I would be breastfeeding until that child was nearly three and I was pregnant with another child. I was so uncertain of my own ability to breastfeed that I only bought one nursing shirt and one nursing nightgown. I lived in that one shirt, washing it every day (of course washing clothes every day is a normal part of having a baby, but I had to wash that same shirt each day as it inevitably had spit up on it) until I could get the hang of breastfeeding and decide that I wanted to get a few more shirts so I could nurse in public with confidence. Struggling through K’s first year while she didn’t sleep and was often inconsolable (which we now know was related to the egg allergy), I never dreamed I would have, let alone want, another child. And now, here I am. 6 years down that gestation/lactation road. Though it isn’t on par with many of the other accomplishments I have achieved in my life, I think I’m as proud of this milestone as any I have reached. Though not as glamorous as getting my picture on the back of a book or going on a lecture tour of New Zealand or climbing the Great Wall of China (all of which are goals I have set and met), this was a hell of a lot harder for me personally to achieve. I have sacrificed much more (money/salary, time, sleep, even sanity) to get to this point with my children than I ever did to reach those other personal and professional goals. Perhaps that’s why it means so much to me. And I’m perfectly willing to concede that in a few years it may not seem like that big of a deal to me any more, that it may pale in comparison to other things I wind up doing with my children or apart from my children. But it seems worthy of acknowledging for me today, at this point in my life.